Conscious Growth Guide
Primal Vinyasa™ Teacher
Online Conscious Growth training helps you reduce stress, get out of emotional ruts, and clear confusion about your life purpose.
Teaching from personal experience, eight years of education, and over 2,200 hours of experiential training, I offer online training which incorporates yogic psychology and medicinal movement (Primal Vinyasa™) to help practitioners transcend the subconscious patterns which cause them to feel stressed out, stuck in an emotional rut, or confused about their life purpose.
I am also guided by the wisdom unearthed in my own journey, which includes healing from childhood trauma and from the stress associated with modern adult life. I know from experience that the only way out is through, and I am here to support you in that conscious growth journey.
Since 2013, I have delivered personal development, wellness, and yoga programs throughout the United States, South Africa, Greece, and in the Middle East.
For the especially curious, my personal story is written below.
I am a soul, much like you, who is having a dream in which I experience the waves of human emotion...
I incarnated into a tumultuous human life as the daughter of an incarcerated father and a teen mom. From an early age, I fought to find empowerment from within and to persevere through whatever life presented.
At age nineteen, I ran out of tuition money just before senior year of undergraduate school. I was devastated. I believed that my worth as a person was dependent on my ability to have a thriving career and to turn my back on the past. This setback brought forth years of buried pain and self-doubt. A deep sense of worthlessness came rushing to the surface, and I learned how to numb out of the feelings through eating disorders, overexertion, and consumption until I could find a way back into school.
I worked in Chicago's corporate world while finishing college. Later, I worked in healthcare marketing and lobbied in Washington D.C. for policies that I believed could make a difference in the world. In business and politics, I discovered greed, apathy, and dishonesty. Once again, I was disillusioned by life.
Each rainbow chased was accompanied by an aching emptiness deep within my core. The grass always appeared greener on the other side, but once I arrived there everything felt dark and disappointing.
Naive and spiritually asleep, I continued to seek fulfillment through the outside world, while having a very limited experience of my true self.
The solution, I mistakenly believed, was to throw myself into "selfless" service. I joined the U.S. Peace Corps in 2013. I served in South Africa and studied with social development pioneers David Patient and Neil Orr.
Patient was one of the longest living persons with AIDS until 2017. He was a man who had grown up with a deep sense of unworthiness and had tried to take his own life through drug-use and suicide attempts. After being diagnosed with AIDS, he experienced an awakening and made a commitment to live, and to do so with empowerment.
He, and psycho-neuro immunologist, Orr, are world renowned for their humanitarian achievements in health education and holistic healing research, social and economic amelioration in the third world, and leadership development. They authored the book, The Healer Inside You, and many more. Under their tutelage, I collaborated with community members of rural Limpopo to launch projects in food security, personal empowerment, and literacy.
I was so unaware of it at the time, but humanitarian work had become my new identity, and I'd become vehemently attached to that identity. So attached, that I was willing to work myself to death.
Overexertion in the third world combined with unhealed emotional trauma weakened my body. I experienced stress-induced asthma which proved untreatable with medication. I had to decide whether to stay or leave Africa. Leaving would mean abandoning my identity, but without that identity, I would have to face the buried feelings of worthlessness that I'd been running from my entire life.
Maintaining a venerable societal role and projecting my voice into the masses was the only way I knew how to be noticed or to receive "love." I asked my mentors for advice.
Patient urged, "Go home. The first rule of empowerment is to love yourself first. You cannot help anyone if you can't help yourself."
Shortly after returning to the U.S., I began working independently, spending up to eighteen hours a day building "humanitarian projects" and often forgetting to eat. I didn't know how to stop.
Working for others was mask that I'd learned to wear well, a behavior deeply embedded within my subconscious perceptions about my place in the world, and I believed all that work could hide the emotional scars and stories of the traumatic past.
I did not realize that by hiding from our darkness, we allow that darkness to manipulate every aspect of our lives. Striving to run away, "save the world" and prove that I was not a product of the past actually bound me to the past. Without some grace and clarity, I would never become free. I would spend a lifetime trying to outrun something that was embedded within my own beliefs about who I was.
A humbling synchronicity led me to Thotme, a consciousness teacher and body-centered (Hakomi) psychotherapist. With his guidance, I gained clarity about my debilitating need to receive validation from the outside world. I discovered that I had no self-love flowing forth from within. I learned that my entire life had been ruled by the ego-mind, which convinced me to stay busy and keep moving so I did not have to look in the mirror and acknowledge the pain and fear behind my image.
With Thotme's guidance, I began facing my greatest fears: the fear of not being good enough, the fear of not being secure, and the fear of being unnoticed or unloved. I went into isolation and faced the primordial pain that had scarred my mind and closed my heart since childhood.
I've since re-emerged, no longer identified as Amanda the Human Being with a painful past that I must struggle to hide. I am no longer controlled by a subconscious need to prove myself to the world. The neediness has been replaced by the assurance of true self-knowing and self-honoring.
Now, it's time to share the wisdom that guides us humans into the uncomfortable places that we must go if ever to become emotionally free.
This platform is not about me, it's about us - moving with courage and self-honesty, through our fears, beyond the illusions of the fear-based psyche, and into connection with the brave and sovereign Self existing within our own hearts.
No matter what you're working through, keep going. Human life is a game of hide-and-seek, and your free-Self so wishes to be found. But we've got to do the hard inner work if that discovery is ever going to be made. This platform is here to support that work. But don't forget that the work is very personal work that only you can do for yourself.
Your free-Self is not out there in the hands of the healers, it's not in the minds of the teachers, nor in the rituals of the shamans. It is inside of your heart. The door of the heart can only open if YOU do the work to peel off the mental and emotional sheaths over it.
Thanks for stopping by this page. Let's have some tears and laughter as we support one another and continue doing the work!
Let's go far and deep.