I am with you...
I offer support to the courageous, like you, who are consciously choosing to explore the obscure landscapes of their inner worlds.
We embark on this journey through the process of Self-Study, an everyday life approach to illuminating, and then eliminating, unconscious and subconscious fears. This practice, paired with medicinal movement, leads us to the embodiment of our free and authentic state.
Teaching from personal experience and over 2,000 hours of experiential training, I incorporate yogic psychology and somatic embodiment in awareness building journeys made accessible to even the busiest folks.
Compassionate yet real, I offer no "band-aids" to the human condition. I share the wisdom unearthed through years of working privately with experienced mentors and masters, including the consciousness teacher known as Thotme, who for over thirty years has assisted initiates to dissolve fear and stress at the origin, and within all levels of being (mental, emotional, physical, and beyond).
While serving in the U.S. Peace Corps in South Africa, I collaborated with my teachers, social development pioneer and author David Patient, and psycho-neuro immunologist and author Neil Orr. With their endorsements, I launched community programs focused on personal development and health and wellness. During this time, my blog was recognized by the governments of South Africa and the United States for exemplary cultural understanding.
Now, together, may we journey into self-honesty and self-love. May we continue, overturning stones, dissolving fear, and coming into full alignment with the purpose of your existence.
For the especially curious, my personal story is below.
I am a soul, much like you, who is having a dream in which I experience the waves of human emotion...
I incarnated into a tumultuous human life as the daughter of an incarcerated father and a teen mom. From an early age, I fought to find empowerment from within and to persevere through whatever life presented.
At age nineteen, I ran out of tuition money just before senior year of undergraduate school. I was devastated. I believed that my worth as a person was entirely dependent on my ability to have a thriving career and to turn my back on the past. This setback brought forth years of buried pain and self-doubt. A deep sense of worthlessness came rushing to the surface, and I learned how to numb out of the feelings through eating disorders, overexertion, and consumption until I could find a way back into school.
I worked in Chicago's corporate world while finishing college. Later, I worked in healthcare marketing and lobbied in Washington D.C. for policies that I believed could make a difference in the world. In business and politics, I discovered greed, apathy, and dishonesty. Once again, I was disillusioned by life.
Each rainbow chased was accompanied by an aching emptiness deep within my core. The grass always appeared greener on the other side, but once I arrived there everything felt dark and disappointing.
Naive and spiritually asleep, I continued to seek fulfillment through the outside world, while having a very limited experience of my true self.
The solution, I mistakenly believed, was to throw myself into "selfless" service. I joined the U.S. Peace Corps in 2013. I served in South Africa and studied with social development pioneers David Patient and Neil Orr.
Patient was one of the longest living persons with AIDS until 2017. He was a man who had grown up with a deep sense of unworthiness and had tried to take his own life through drug-use and suicide attempts. After being diagnosed with AIDS, he experienced an awakening and made a commitment to live, and to do so with empowerment.
He, and psycho-neuro immunologist, Orr, are world renowned for their humanitarian achievements in health education and holistic healing research, social and economic amelioration in the third world, and leadership development. They authored the book, The Healer Inside You, and many more. Under their tutelage, I collaborated with community members of rural Limpopo to launch projects in food security, personal empowerment, and literacy.
I was so unaware of it at the time, but this public service was ridden with self-centeredness. Humanitarian work had become my new identity, and I'd become vehemently attached to that identity. So attached, that I was willing to work myself to death.
Overexertion in the third world, combined with unhealed emotional trauma, weakened my body. I experienced stress-induced asthma which proved untreatable with medication. I had to decide whether to stay or leave Africa. Leaving would mean abandoning my identity, but without that identity, I would have to face the buried feelings of worthlessness that I'd been running from my entire life.
Maintaining a venerable societal role and projecting my voice into the masses was the only way I knew how to be noticed or to receive "love." I asked my mentors for advice.
Patient urged, "Go home. The first rule of empowerment is to love yourself first. You cannot help anyone if you can't help yourself."
Shortly after returning to the U.S., I began working independently, spending up to eighteen hours a day building "humanitarian projects" and often forgetting to eat. I didn't know how to stop.
Working and doing things for others was mask that I'd learned to wear well, a behavior deeply embedded within my subconscious perceptions about my place in the world, and I unconsciously believed all that work hid the emotional scars and stories of the traumatic past.
I did not realize that by hiding from our darkness, we allow that darkness to manipulate every aspect of our lives. Striving to run away, "save the world" and prove that I was not a product of the past actually bound me to the past. Without some grace and clarity, I would never become free.
I would spend a lifetime trying to outrun something that was embedded within my own beliefs about who I was. I was fighting a dragon, and the dragon was me.
Thank the Divine Source for the humbling synchronicity which led me to a teacher named Thotme. With his guidance, I gained clarity about my neediness for the acceptance, attention, and validation from the outside world. I discovered I had no self-love flowing forth from within. I learned that my entire life had been ruled by the ego-mind, which convinced me to stay busy and keep moving so I did not have to look in the mirror and acknowledge the darkness behind the social mask.
With Thotme's guidance, I began facing my greatest fears: the fear of losing my identity, career, and mask, and the fear of being unnoticed and unloved. I went into isolation and faced the demons of despair, trauma, resentment, judgment, self-loathing, and so much pain that had scarred my mind and closed my heart.
I've since re-emerged, no longer identified as Amanda the Human Being with a painful past that I must struggle to hide. I am no longer controlled by a subconscious need to prove myself to the world. The neediness has been replaced by the empowerment of true self knowing and self love.
Now, it's time to share the wisdom that guides us humans into the uncomfortable places that we must go if ever to become emotionally free.
This platform is not about me, it's about us - moving with courage and vulnerability, through our fears, beyond the illusions of our minds, and into the perspective of the Higher Self.
No matter what you're working through, keep going. Human life is a game of hide-and-seek, and your true-self so wishes to be found. But we've got to do the hard inner work if that discovery is ever going to be made. This platform is here to support that work. But don't forget that the work is very personal work that only you can do for yourself.
Your true-self is not out there in the hands of the healers, it's not in the minds of the teachers, nor in the rituals of the shamans. It is inside of your heart. The door of the heart can only open if YOU do the work to peel off the mental and emotional sheaths over it.
Thanks for stopping by this page. Let's have some tears and laughter as we support one another and continue doing the work!
And by the way, the work is never done. There's always more growing to do because there are no limits to the amount of love we can experience.
Let's go far and deep.